kisah managing difficult situations

harini aku ada training soft skills. managing difficult situations. memang aku mengaku lah, seminggu ni memang agak mencabar bagi diri aku. selain dari aku kena masuk kerja shift awal, dan aku tak cukup rehat dan aku kena pressure lagi sebab nak kena audit regional dan juga masalah lain lain

emotional lid meletup last week in the middle of week, memang sakit gila aku nak habiskan minggu tu, bagai nak gila. 

kena sikit je dengan customer atau kena audit soalan pelik sikit je aku terus nangis on the spot. banyak kali pulak tu. kena audit for 3 days straight dan mext week kena cross audit lagi. ni kalau tak lulus APEC audit aku taktau nak cakap apa lah mock audit buat sungguh sungguh sampai PM leave semua kena beku. dengan kpi performance aku drop nya, dengan aku nak kena perform untuk pegi iata training nya, dengan group sosial nya, dengan csr nya. 

berbalik kepada managing difficult situations tadi, ada satu module tu, dia suruh list kan positive and negative keywords on a fight between partners. 

mula mula buat, rasa macam ada ke positive keywords? bila dah makin faham on the module, baru boleh nampak. 

there is always two sides of everything. as much negativity as you can see, there is always positive attributes as well. which makes me reflects back, dengan situasi emosi aku sekarang. 

aku sentiasa cakap, all of us have different demons and insecurities that we need to fight each day; cuma maybe aku tak nampak orang lain punya demons. i had never put myself in his shoes.

rejections hurt. macam mana pun kau prepare mental kau, in my case aku prepare sebulan lebih, internal battle makes you weak. your brains knows that your heart is reckless tapi hati tetap menang jugak. 

healthy relationship needs both of us to work. i cannot do all the work while you just wait for your storm to pass. itu memang mustahil. and we need to work on our individual storm. 

dr F pernah kata yang aku ni bukan person's person. maksudnya not many will like me. i am difficult to work with and even harder to live with. nak cari roomate atau housemate yang ok dengan aku pun payah. 

among the things that i remembered that i mentioned to him was; I did not make him react to me the same way he did to me. dia pun setuju. he cares for me, but it is not enough to initiate anything. kalau nak translate roughly, care here means macam care as a human being sesama umat manusia. 

if rejections hurt, road to recovery lagilah melampau lampau teruknya. i barely survived with a lot of coffee, hot chocholate, donat, chocolate bars, and more chocolate. kenapa chocolate? sebab i need the hormones to make me happy. even after all the hrmones booster pun aku still ada rasa nak nangis tetibe lagi. 

yang bagusnya, aku banyak gila kerja sekarang. non stop sampai next month.

like every storms that had come my way and had passed me, this one will also passed. if i ever learn anything from this experience, there are some things that were not meant to be and cannot be changed walau banyak mana willpower kau ada sekalipun. macam mana kau control freak sekalipun, kalau dah dia is part of your life for more than one year (see, i counted that, i even remembered the date) you will need to have closure. like the previous one, i did all i can. benda still tak jadi, so i have to let go and move on. you will never know how precious it is until you lose it. maybe aku memang selamanya boleh rasa je, tak boleh dapat semua terus.

cuma aku nak minta maaf, aku memang wanita petty yang suka balas dendam jugak. sejak aku tau dia stalk aku, sengaja aku letak caption menyakitkan hati dia. aku nak dia tau, aku tengah sakit hati, aku nak dia rasa yang aku memang tuju ayat tu kat dia. aku tau dia pun tau. dah alang alang dia taknak kat aku kan. 

aku delete messaging apps tu, pastu bila aku nak install balik (perempuan kan suka drama) dah tak boleh. lepastu aku stress, aku pegi cuci toilet. petty kan aku? aku tak makan langsung benda yang dulunya aku suka makan dan dia pun suka makan jugak. aku harap hantu kejar dia hari hari and kacau dia kat office. aku harap mata dia bengkak macam mata aku hari hari. 

kalau aku boleh pilih, aku taknak ada langsung perasaan macam ni. tapi, dugaan orang lain lain.

more than that, aku harap leapsni aku okay balik. aku harap aku jadi dewasa macam yang aku nak dan aku harap aku boleh tengok dia and betul betul happy serta ikhlas seikhlas ikhlasnya.